How to Babysit a Super Toddler
by Kaytoko
Summary: When Steve and Tony decide to go on a week-long vacation, babysitting duties of their son Peter fall into the rather incapable hands of the sons of Odin. Disregarding their lack of previous experience working with children, Thor and Loki agree to look after him. What could possibly go wrong? Domestic!Avengers, Toddler!Peter Parker
1. Chapter 1

_How to Babysit a Super Toddler_

A/N: Dedicated to the lovely people in the Domestic Avengers tag on tumblr. You are all wonderful, scheming, unfair people and because of that, I cannot resist writing this.

Also, **for those of you who aren't into StevexTony**, no worries! This is a story about Thor and Loki, not Steve and Tony, so don't be intimidated by the coupling if you're not into it. Just enjoy the misfortunes of our favorite Odin brothers as they try to babysit a toddler. ;)

. . . . . . . . . .

"I've changed my mind. I'm not going."

Tony sighed. This was the third time in the last hour. "Steve…"

"No, Tony. You can't convince me otherwise. This is a bad idea. Peter needs us."

"Peter will be fine," Tony responded, glancing down at the eighteen month toddler sleepily propped up in his husband's arms. "Pepper is here, Thor is here. Hell, Nick Fury is just a phone call away and can have the entirety of S.H.I.E.L.D. at our doorstep if anything goes wrong. Trust me. He's safe."

"I just don't feel comfortable leaving him behind," Steve sighed. "Especially with _him_ here."

Loki looked up from his cereal, recognizing that he was being addressed. He warily took in Captain America's look of distrust and thickly swallowed a mouthful of Cocoa Puffs. Thor stepped up to defend his brother, talking through his mouthful of pancakes.

"Fafer fook fuway fis fowers-"

"Ah, I'm sorry, but could you say that in English this time?"

"Fafer fook fuway fis fowers-"

"Thor, swallow."

Thor swallowed his food. "My apologies. Father took away his powers. He is just as human as I was when I first arrived upon Earth. He will do no harm, I assure you."

Steve pulled a face. "I would feel better if Bruce or Clint were here."

"As would I, but they're unavailable at the moment, so you'll just have to trust us," Pepper said lightly, taking a sleepy Peter from Steve's arms. The toddler protested lightly, but settled when he recognized who was holding him, plopping his head down on his Godmother's shoulder sleepily. "Don't worry, Steve. We've got everything under control. Just go and enjoy yourselves."

Steve cast a worried, unsure glance at Tony who nodded encouragingly. Just three years before, Tony and Steve tied the knot between them in the presence of their most trusted friends. Their companionship was something that nobody questioned, and had seen for years, and known that it was only a matter of time. What truly surprised them, though, was that Steve had managed to convince Tony to adopt their beloved son, Peter. What they came to realize, though, was that Peter brought them all closer, and even though the little boy was Steve and Tony's, they all thought of him as their own. There was never an absence of love in the Stark-Rogers house.

Yet, no matter how much they loved their son, being super heroes and parents at the same time put a strain on their relationship. Their friends noticed their short fuses and snappy retorts and decided to take things into their hands for a while. Or at least, Pepper did. Now they stood by the door to their home, bags packed for a private vacation to the Cayman Islands, courtesy of Stark Cruise Lines, trying to convince Steve that it was okay to leave their toddler in the hands of their friends for a week. Steve kept Tony's gaze for a long moment, eventually coming to a decision with a small sigh.

"I don't want to get any phone calls telling me something went wrong while we're gone," Steve warned. "But if you must, my cell number is on the fridge. There are fresh diapers in the basket beneath the changing table. He goes to bed at eight, and takes a nap sometime around two every day. Don't let him sleep past four on his nap or he'll be cranky and refuse to eat dinner until bedtime. He's a little hard to handle at times, so somebody must have an eye on him at _all_ times. Don't let him run off on his own."

"Steve, I know," Pepper reminded him with a small smile. Steve eyed her for a long moment, nodding reluctantly when he seemed to find what he was looking for in her reassuring gaze. He gave a small sheepish smile.

"I'm sorry. I'm just worried."

Tony rubbed Steve's shoulder reassuringly, letting a grin pull up at his mouth. "Everything will be fine, Wonder Boy. Just trust them," he said. "Meanwhile, our plane is waiting for us, and I know I'm getting antsy for some sun, sand and overly salty water irritating my skin." Steve ignored his husband as Tony stepped toward Pepper, reaching out gently rub Peter's back. "Hey there, big boy," he said with a gentle smile as Peter stirred lightly, blinking heavily. "Daddy and I are going to go away for a while. Can you be good for Aunt Pepper for a week? I don't mind if you're a terror for Uncle Thor, just don't have him try to cook for you. I want my stove in tact when I come back."

"Tony," Steve criticized lightly, stepping forward as well. He gently smoothed down Peter's brown hair, something pulling at his chest at the sight of the sleepy boy. He opened his mouth to protest the trip again, but Pepper caught his look.

"_Tony_," she warned softly.

"Okay, time to go," Tony said quickly. "Kiss him good-bye, we're not spending another twenty minutes wrestling with your emotions when we have beaches waiting for us."

Steve leaned in to kiss Peter softly on the head, and brushed back his hair a few more times, hesitating. Tony dipped in for his own parting kiss upon the boy before turning to push Steve out the door. Steve attempted to say a few more instructions to Pepper, who merely smiled and waved as Tony hustled his husband out the door. When the door slid shut behind them, Pepper let out a relieved sigh.

"I thought they'd never leave!"

"They may still return. They have not driven off yet," Loki supplied unhelpfully.

"Well, lets not jinx that," Pepper said. She shifted a dozing Peter higher in her arms. "I'm going to put Peter to sleep. Finish up your late breakfast, or lunch, or whatever. I'm putting you both in charge of Peter while I go to the company today. It'll only be for a few hours. Do you think you can handle it?"

"You wish for us to watch the young child in your absence?" Thor confirmed. Pepper nodded. "Then it shall be done."

"Good," she said with a smile. "He should sleep for most of the time, but if he does wake up, just give him a little food if he's hungry and keep him entertained for the rest of the time. Keep your eye on him, because he can and will get away from you."

"How hard is it to keep watch upon a small child?" Loki inquired with a touch of disdain. Pepper gave him a small, secretive smile.

"You'd be surprised."

. . . . . . . . . . . .

A/N: Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think!


	2. Chapter 2

_How to Babysit a Super Toddler_

A/N: Thanks for being interested in this story! Now, lets get started, shall we? ;)

. . . . . . . . . .

Loki frowned. What could a child possibly do to make "keeping an eye on him" difficult? He had observed children before on Asgard, and while playful, they weren't anything he couldn't handle. And yet, the auburn-haired woman seemed to think that this child of less than two years could pose a problem to him. He scoffed. How ridiculous.

He continued to finish off his bowl of soggy chocolate balls as the auburn-haired woman left the premises, briefcase in hand, saying something about bringing home food for dinner. He briefly wondered what kind of monstrosity he would be eating for dinner. In the month that he spent not trying to enslave every human on Midgard, Loki had been tasting what food the planet had to offer. He was by no means a connoisseur, but by judging off the slop they had given him to eat so far- meat in a can. Who does that?- he was not impressed. Thor kept trying to drag him to this hole-in-the-wall restaurant claiming that they had the best "_schwarma_", whatever that was. He had managed to escape such a fate so far.

He slurped- _slurped. _Was there no better way to eat this terrible meal?- up a few more chocolate balls as he eyed his brother sitting next to him. Thor had a whole pancake shoved into his mouth, and at his brother's glance, he grinned, some of the fluffy breakfast food falling out and onto his lap. Loki grimaced in disgust.

"Dear lord. You have lost all sense of manners since your arrival upon Midgard, haven't you?" he sneered. Thor continued to chew his food, good-naturedly gesturing toward his cup. Loki supposed that he was trying to encourage him to try it. It smelled awful and looked like sludge. At first he thought it to be poison, but Thor survived, and he drank several cups a day. It couldn't be that terrible, could it? Then again, Thor was never known for his astute judgment on things…

"You want me to try your drink?" Loki asked. Thor nodded.

"Fis fualld faffy."

Loki made a face at his brother's disgusting manners. "Coffee?" he repeated. Thor nodded again, pleased that his brother understood him. Loki was significantly less enthused, but picked up the cup anyway. _Well, whatever_, he thought, and took a tiny sip of the odd liquid. To his distaste, it tasted as bad as it smelled, but for some reason, he took a second sip.

"Fou fife ih?" Thor inquired.

"Not particularly," Loki responded, but stood from his seat to pour himself a cup. As he went to sit back down and finish his soggy chocolate balls, a small wail came through the weirdly shaped, pink speaker placed upon the table. Thor and Loki stared at it as a second cry resounded from the monitor. Thor knew enough about this contraption to knew what it meant.

"The child is in danger!" he cried, pancake flying from his mouth as he bolted from his seat. Mjolnir flew from its spot upon the couch to land in Thor's hand as he charged down the hallway. Usually Loki would leave Thor to his devices, but curiosity pulled at him, and he calmly carried his cup of coffee down the hall after his brother.

Upon reaching Peter's room, Loki found Peter awake and crying, standing in his crib while Thor was bent upon the floor, searching for enemies underneath the rug. Loki rolled his eyes.

"Something tells me the child is not truly in danger," he said, catching Thor's attention.

"I was being thorough," Thor said in his defense, standing up from the floor. He hovered by Peter's crib, trying to console the crying child. Big, alligator tears rolled down Peter's red, puffy cheeks, and no matter what Thor did, he continued to cry. The child's loud wails were starting to grate against Loki's nerves, and he took a few steps forward to end the torture to his ears.

"Silence!" he commanded the child. "You will end this incessant shrieking this moment!"

Peter stared at him with wide, watery brown eyes for a brief moment before crying even _louder_. Loki grit his teeth in annoyance. He stepped up to the edge of the crib. "Child, I swear to you-" Then he stopped. The most horrid, rancid smell that had ever graced his nose hit his senses, making him gag. He shot a hand up to his nose, taking a step away.

"Dear, LORD," he exclaimed. "What is that putrid _smell_?"

"Smell?" Thor repeated in surprise, leaning in a bit closer to see what Loki was talking about. His nose scrunched up and he shot back, shouting loud Asgardian curses at the scent. Peter continued to cry, and Loki suddenly came to the realization that the toddler was uncomfortable and without the better use of his words, was crying as a means to tell them. He pulled a face, placing his now unwanted coffee down a table nearby.

"Mortals are disgusting," he muttered before facing Thor. "The child has defecated in his pants."

Thor looked horrified. "_What?_"

"Oh please. You've lived in this primitive realm longer than I. Fix this."

"I don't know how!"

"Change his dirtied clothes," Loki said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "He will only continue to cry until his clothes are changed. Get to it."

Thor glared at his brother. "Why must I?"

Loki rolled his eyes. "Fine. I shall help you. But do not expect me to touch anything that came out of that mortal's body."

"It's not as if I wish to touch it!" Thor protested. They both looked at Peter who stared at them with wide, watery eyes. Thor sighed. He always had a soft spot for children. Especially Peter. It pulled at his heart to see the little boy in tears. He reached out, trying to keep his nose in the opposite direction, and lifted the boy from his crib. That seemed to comfort Peter a bit and his loud cries softened to sniffles.

Thor gave Loki a helpless look, Peter dangling in the air arms length away. Loki gave him a look in return. He didn't know what to do next, and he'd be damned if he called the auburn-haired woman to help them.

"Hold him still," Loki instructed, stepping behind the toddler. He stood with his hands up, rather unsure of himself until he started deftly unbuttoning Peter's pajamas. The stench was horrid, and he quickly threw the pajamas across the room. Peter hung in Thor's hands only clad in a dirty diaper, his eyes watering again. He gave Loki a worried, helpless look that shot a spark in the dark Asgardian's chest.

"No, no. You will not exploit your manipulation on me, child," he told the toddler. He had seen the results of Peter's wide-eyed look before. The way grown men just melted under those eyes disgusted him. So, he did everything in his power to avoid the toddler's gaze. In a stroke of luck, he found fresh diapers sitting under a table beside the crib. That could be good.

"Come here, Thor," he instructed, bending down to pick up the diapers. "Remove his soiled bottoms."

Thor pulled a face before standing Peter up upon the table and yanking the diaper down. Both Asgardians cringed at the smell, but were more horrified by what they saw.

"Dear, God Almighty," Thor swore. "How does something so small do so much damage?" He plugged his nose holding the diaper as far away from him as possible. Peter giggled. They both shot the now grinning little boy a glare.

"You dare mock me, moral child?" Loki threatened. Peter grinned up at him, completely unafraid. Loki turned away in indignation. The nerve of that child!

"Brother! What do I do with this horrific thing?" Thor cried, holding the offensive diaper in the air.

"Stop waving it around!" Loki snapped. "Go… incinerate it, or something along those lines."

Thor seemed to like that idea, and ran from the room, Mjolnir gripped in his hand. Loki drug an annoyed hand down his face while he considered what to do next. To prevent further situations like these, he decided that multiple diapers would make better insurance. He turned back towards Peter only to find him not there. He panicked for a moment until he heard tiny feet running down the hallway. He dropped the diapers in his hands and took off after him.

Peter was full out laughing now, running around the Stark-Rogers home completely naked while Loki chased after him. Loki thanked whatever beings there were out there that none of those infuriating Avengers were there to see the humiliation of him chasing a nude toddler around the house. They never would have let him live that down. But, damn! This kid was fast!

There was a crash of thunder that sounded like it came from just outside the door that startled Peter long enough for Loki to dive after him, to his displeasure. Peter wiggled like a piglet and struggled, laughing the whole time to escape Loki's grasp. He managed to pull free and started running down the halls again, enjoying being chased by somebody who didn't appreciate the game.

Pepper returned to the house not three hours later, three boxes of pizza balanced delicately in her free hand. She found the three boys she left at home in the living room, Thor keeping Peter entertained and Loki shooting glares at the back of the little boy's head while sipping what looked to be a cup of coffee. Peter had a leash- Pepper wondered where that came from- wrapped around his waist and tied up to the chair Loki sat upon. After spending the better part of two hours chasing the little naked devil around the house, Loki wasn't letting him out of his sight. Pepper chuckled at the scene, which turned Loki's glare upon her.

"Have fun?" she asked.

"You are testing my patience, woman," Loki snapped. Pepper ignored him and walked the pizzas over to where they were sitting. Thor looked on happily, much enjoying the dinner pies while Loki just brooded in his seat, nursing his cup of coffee.

"I told you he would be a handful," Pepper told him, sitting on the couch before lifting Peter up for a hug. Her brows pulled down in confusion and she looked at the grinning little boy. "Why is Peter wearing three diapers?"

. . . . . . . . . . . .

A/N: I hope you're enjoying! Let me know what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

_How to Babysit a Super Toddler_

A/N: You guys are cool. :) Thanks for the feedback!

. . . . . . . . . . .

Ever since his first arrival upon the pitiful realm of Midgard, Loki decided that he liked the morning. Most of the mortals did not rise before the sun had fully risen above the horizon, and Loki rather enjoyed the quiet. Only since his second arrival upon Midgard had he begun the ritual of watching the sun rise upon Stark's balcony, and recently he found that sipping a warm cup of coffee was quite the pleasant addition. It was a brief reprieve, really, from the torture he now found himself drowning in.

Honestly, he never had a problem with children. Then again, he never had to spend more than a few minutes in the presence of them. Regardless, he was certain that Stark and Rogers' adopted offspring was the worst of them all. He had never seen a hellion come in such a small size, but he wouldn't underestimate the tyke again. It had barely been a day since Stark and Rogers left, but he was sure that upon their return he would hex the toddler to never come close to him again for the rest of his puny, pathetic life. In the meantime, the hell-spawn had grown a sort of… attachment to the dark Asgardian and followed him literally _everywhere_. Thor thought it hilarious.

Loki did not.

So, when his quiet morning was interrupted by screaming toddler, he did not hesitate to hang the child by his ankle over the balcony edge. The auburn-haired woman screamed and Thor chastised him for his rash decisions- the fool- but the terror of a child had the nerve to _laugh_ like he was enjoying his brush with death. Disgusted that his threat did not instill fear upon the child like he hoped, he tossed the toddler back into the open arms of the auburn-haired woman who proceeded to shriek his ear off. Loki merely ignored her, looking distastefully down at his now cold coffee.

So much for a quiet morning.

Even worse, the auburn-haired woman didn't seem to make the connection that Loki would rather toss the child over a cliff than _babysit_ and put he and Thor in charge of _feeding_ the hairless monkey while she did something so trivial as "laundry". She plopped the giggling toddler into his highchair and pulled out some small jars of nasty-looking paste-like substances and told Thor to just feed him a few bites of each. Loki ignored the whole thing and left the kitchen in distaste after she departed. He had better things to do with his time.

He was in the midst of counting the cracks in the wall when Thor came running into the living room, blue eyes wide and baby food dripping from his hair. Loki frowned in disgust.

"BROTHER," Thor boomed unnecessarily, a slight note of panic in his voice. "THE CHILD HAS ESCAPED!"

"He is a child, Thor. He couldn't have gotten far," Loki said unfavorably, but stood from his seat anyway, knowing that Thor wouldn't give him peace until he offered to help. Not that he really wanted to. They walked back to the kitchen, and Loki noted that the insufferable toddler was indeed missing. He sighed long and wearily and began the tedious search for the little terror.

They searched _everywhere_. As the time passed and no toddler appeared, Loki became more and more aware of the fact that the auburn-haired woman would be returning soon and the child's sudden disappearance would be blamed on him. He did not wish to hear another lecture aimed at him. His head was already throbbing enough as it was, and _damn_, he needed another cup of coffee to calm his nerves. He gave a heavy sigh and rolled his eyes dramatically for no reason other than to physically vent his frustration when he noticed something on the ceiling. Loki's eyes widened to comic proportions.

Unless he was severely mistaken, mortal children did _not stick to ceilings_.

At being spotted, the toddler gave a soft giggle, a wide grin stretching across his face. Loki's jaw unintentionally dropped a few centimeters. Thor returned to the kitchen, prepared to give a rundown of the places he didn't find the child when suddenly, he did. His reaction mirrored his brother's. The two Asgardians stood in shocked, uncertain silence until Loki managed to pull himself together.

"Well, don't stand there gaping like a fool, help me get him off the ceiling before the insufferable woman returns," Loki criticized sharply, jolting his brother out of his trance. They struggled to pull Peter off the ceiling, chasing him around as the toddler crawled around like a hyper spider. Nevermind how he got up there, Loki just wanted him _down_ and out of his hair for once in his life.

Unfortunately, that's how Pepper found them. The three adults stared silently at each other, Pepper's mouth gaping open, as Peter giggled uncontrollably upon the ceiling. Luckily, before the auburn-haired woman could start her screaming, the toddler lost his hold on the ceiling and fell safely into Thor's open arms, still giggling.

Half an hour later, Pepper was still on the phone with Tony screaming something along the lines of "What the _hell_ do you mean he was bitten by a radio-active spider?" and Loki was stuck with the duty of feeding Peter his food since Thor couldn't convince the child to eat his food without getting it all over himself and the child. The God of Mischief gave the nasty green substance in the little jar a tentative sniff, cringing at the rather unsavory smell. He gave Peter a look.

"Well, no wonder you do not wish to eat this," he muttered. "Open wide, demon child." Peter turned his face away, smearing some of the mushy food across his cheek as he avoided the spoon. Loki snatched his chin with his other hand, holding him still as he forced the spoon into the child's mouth. Instantly, tears welled in the toddler's eyes. Loki's eyes widened and he snatched his hands away as if they burned. He did NOT want this child crying on him again. His ears already bled once today.

"Fine," he snapped. "I'll make you something better. Happy, spawn?" Peter's tears dried and a grin split his face again. Loki glared at him. "Manipulative little imp." He stood from his chair to assess the refrigerator, catching Thor's attention from his seat at the table next to Peter.

"The man of iron instructed us not to use his cooking machine," he reminded his brother.

Loki pulled a few packages from the fridge. "No, dear brother, he forbade _you_ from using it, not me."

Thor frowned. "Do you even know how to use it?"

"Woman!" he shouted abruptly, surprising Pepper into an unintentional jump from across the room. She sent him a withering glare. "Instruct me on how to use this infernal device!"

"Figure it out yourself!" Pepper retorted, but gradually started to move closer, telling Tony that she would talk to him again later. When her phone clacked upon the counter, phone call finished, she strode up beside him, folding her arms and giving him _that_ look. He glared at her.

"Do _not_-"

"Oh, drop the super villain act already," Pepper said sharply. "You're not fooling anyone here. If you require _help_," she stressed the word to his frustration. "Feel free to _ask nicely_ next time."

"I will _not_-"

"You _will_."

They glared at each other. Loki refused to let this insufferable woman win, but there was something about the _way _she was looking at him that made him feel smaller than a speck of dirt upon the floor. How utterly humiliating.

"My apologies," he ground out. "May I _please_ have instruction upon how to operate this device."

The auburn-haired woman's lips turned up in a satisfied smile. He could hear the hell-spawn giggling in the background. He refused to look upon Thor's surprised look. He was embarrassed enough as it was.

"Yes, Loki, you may," Pepper responded. She proceeded to explain the functions of the stove. "Are you making something for Peter? What are you wanting to make?"

He didn't actually know, but he wasn't going to let her know that. "A traditional Asgardian dish set fit for one of the royal family."

"Hmm," Pepper voiced with pursed lips. He glared at her. "Something tells me it will be a little too much for a toddler. Why don't we try making something a little easier."

He didn't like that idea, but didn't protest _too_ much when she taught him how to make a grilled cheese sandwich. She claimed that the terror liked to eat the sandwich, and if that made him stop attempting to get the spawn to eat that nasty creamed obscenity, then so be it. He watched with careful, calculating eyes as she made the first one before he attempted a couple himself.

After the first successful one (he attempted to feed his failed one to the child, but the auburn-haired woman would not allow him to), he began to experiment a bit. Thor liked his sandwiches with that spicy red sauce that came out of the bottle far too fast, and he found that he liked his with a few slices of those crunchy green chips that came soggy in a jar. Pepper stared at them like they were crazy, but Loki was okay with that. It seemed to disgust her with every bite he took, and he took joy in that. He allowed a self-satisfied grin to pull up his lips until a splatter of something sticky smacked him in the face from across the table.

Peter giggled, his unwanted baby food dripping down Loki's face.

Oh, how he _hated_ children.

. . . . . . . . . . . .

Thank you for reading! Please** Review!**


	4. Chapter 4

_How to Babysit a Super Toddler_

A/N: Thank you guys for all the support! A bit of the "family" portion of the genre popping up in this one. ;)

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

Day Two of Loki's torture found him in some considerable pain.

"OW! Quit _yanking_! That _hurts_!" Loki snapped.

"Well, I'm SORRY," Pepper snapped back. "It's really stuck in there." She tried to yank the comb through his hair again.

"_OW!_"

Pepper sighed dramatically, dropping the comb down on the kitchen table. "This is useless. We're going to have to cut it out."

Loki shot her a desperate sort of glare. "If you think you're going to bring shears to my _hair_-"

"Well it's not like _you _have any magic shampoo that will get sticky spider webs out of your hair," she said in return, leaving the room in search of scissors. Loki considered her words, trying to remember if he had brought any of his specially brewed hair tonics for situations like these from Asgard. He was certain that he did not, but with the crazy auburn-haired woman making her way back with a gleaming pair of silver scissors, he wasn't about to take any chances.

From across the table in his highchair, Peter let out a squealing laugh. Loki shot the child a glare. Honestly, what kind of spider could bite a human and give him its abilities? He had never heard of an arachnid of such abilities. But he really should have known better than to assume that he knew everything about Earth. Really, Midgard was horrifyingly unpredictable with all these… _superheros_ running around. Now they came in midget sizes.

It turned out that the little hell-spawns spider powers didn't just stop at wall-climbing. Apparently, he could shoot super sticky webs from his wrists and when he discovered that he could do so, he proceeded to coat the whole room with a sheen of sticky webs, giggling the whole time. Luckily, Pepper Potts, the miracle worker that she was, managed to clean it without much trouble and assigned Thor to distract the kid while she struggled to get the webs out of Loki's hair. He didn't particularly _want_ her help, but he resigned himself to glaring at the demon arachnid kid while protesting rather loudly about how much her combing hurt his delicate skull.

"This is all your fault, you little devil-spawn," he hissed. Peter laughed anyway, amused by Loki's unfortunate situation. Or perhaps he was just laughing because he thought it was funny. Loki liked the first option better. It was easier to hate something cute when it had ulterior motives. Thor caught his brother's look and tried to quiet the child.

"I know teasing my brother amuses you so," he told Peter. "But the teasing must stop soon, lest he become more infuriated than he already is."

Peter let his giggles subside as he turned wide, confused brown eyes towards his blonde Asgardian uncle. "Buh, Uncoo Loki funny!" he announced in his high-pitched toddler voice. He giggled again, kicking his feet in his highchair. "Laugh, laugh!"

"No. No laugh," Thor said. "It is not funny to him."

Peter paused in his laughter. "No funny?" he repeated.

"No," Thor said with a nod of his head, pleased that the child was understanding him. "You must be kind to him."

Tears started to well up in Peter's eyes. "No funny?"

Thor started to panic, backtracking in his words to try and keep the child at bay. Loki gave a sharp, toneless laugh.

"It is useless to try and talk to it," he said. "It will only continue to do what it pleases, regardless of what you say."

Thor seemed putout by his brother's words, sending him a frown. "I do not believe that."

Loki scoffed. "Back to this nonsense, Thor?"

"This child is intelligent," Thor told his brother. Loki frowned at the serious tone in his voice. "He may not understand what you are saying to him, but he understands your intentions. Tread lightly, brother, or you may not like the results."

Thor picked the child up from his highchair in search for some nourishment to feed the toddler, leaving his brother to stew silently upon his words. Loki glared at a spot on the table, frowning distastefully when he realized that, somehow, Thor had managed to get him to do exactly what he wanted. He rather hated when Thor had moments of poetic justice. He was surprisingly good with words when he wished to be. He wouldn't admit it to his blonde airhead of a brother, but Loki felt a small pang of guilt within his chest. Perhaps he was being too rough upon the child. He jolted in surprise when the auburn-haired woman appeared suddenly behind him, gleaming silver scissors in hand. He jumped from his seat.

"You are _not_-"

"_Sit._" The scissors glinted dangerously in her hand.

He sat.

Loki watched in humiliated silence as locks of his hair dropped to the table before him. Each clump of hair was knotted hopelessly with spider webs. He touched one of the longer strands of his hair with disgust. Nevermind what he was thinking. The child deserved everything he said about him. The only bearable thing about this whole situation was the occasional feel of Pepper's fingers against his scalp as she shook out some of the loose hair from her "hack job". She was surprisingly gentle after her attempt to yank his hair out with the comb.

"Well," she said, sounding rather pleased. "It doesn't look half bad. You're lucky, Loki." She handed him a hand mirror. He noted with distaste that his hair looked almost exactly like it did when he lived in Asgard, if not a little shorter. Ugh. He placed the mirror face down upon the table.

"I will not thank you."

"Didn't expect you to," Pepper responded, cleaning up the hair from the table. "And I know you don't care about my opinions, but I think shorter hair suits you better." She gave him a small, secretive smile that put Loki a bit on edge. He opened his mouth to say something in return only to have his words drown out by a shrill scream.

Both adults looked in alarm toward the kitchen just in time for a second scream to pull out of the spider toddler's mouth as he came running from the room as fast as his little feet could carry him. A wide, toothy smile split his face, unmistakable marks of chocolate decorating his lips. Uneaten candy dropped from his clenched hands, leaving a trail behind him as he ran from the room, giggling. Thor came crashing through the room, shouting for him to stop his "shrieking running". Pepper and Loki sat in shocked silence after their quick appearance before a small chuckle unintentionally pulled from Loki's lips. Pepper gave a soft laugh in response. They both watched as Peter ran by the doorway to the dining room, Thor helplessly chasing after him.

"Brother! I need assistance!" the God of Thunder shouted from the other room. "The spider child has acquired a deadly substance that is multiplying his powers! Ack!" There was a loud crash from somewhere in the living room.

"Oh dear," Pepper said in worry, moving to follow after him. Curious, Loki followed her, laughing in amusement when he saw the mess Thor had created trying to chase the child around the room. Things were knocked over and Thor struggled to catch Peter as the toddler swung by on a rope of web hanging from the ceiling just out of his Uncle's reach. Peter laughed happily and for the first time, Loki laughed with him.

"Oh stop laughing already!" Pepper scolded him as she started climbing on the couch to coax Peter off the ceiling. "Help us already, or I'm putting _you_ in charge of putting him down for his afternoon nap!"

It wasn't long until he was also standing on the couch trying to get Peter off the ceiling.

No thanks to Thor's attempt at feeding the child food without cooking, Peter was on a sugar high for most of the afternoon. He ran his adult babysitters into the ground without hardly even breaking a sweat, and when he was finally showing some signs of tiring out, they were already collapsed on the ground. Pepper had picked up the kid and placed him on the couch between her and Loki while Thor snored loudly from the chair adjacent to them. She turned the tv on to hopefully amuse Peter until he fell asleep, but she had clocked out even earlier than the child did. So, Loki was the last one awake, suspiciously eying the clay man on the tv talking to his tools, while Peter sat up next to him. Out of the corner of his eye, he kept watch for when the child would fall asleep so he could slip away to his own room for the night. Every once in a while Peter's head would dip, and he would sway uncertainly as he tried to stay awake. Twice, he caught the little boy's big brown eyes looking at him as if he wanted something, but he would turn away and sit-up straighter in his pathetic attempt to stay awake and watch his show. It wasn't lost on him that Peter wanted to curl up next to him so he could fall asleep, but was choosing not to. The third time it happened, Loki ended it.

"Child," he snapped quietly. Peter jumped in surprise, his eyes widening at Loki's tone. "I will not harm you. Put your head down before you fall off this couch." The toddler looked at him uncertainly, clearly struggling between his want to lie on him and his knowledge of Loki's dislike of it. Suddenly, Loki was struck with the realization of what Thor had said to him earlier that day. The child was young, but he really _was_ smart. Growling lowly at being so blind, Loki lifted his arm and pulled the child off balance until he landed with a small huff against Loki's leg. Peter looked up at him with wide, surprised eyes before allowing a comfortable sigh to pull past his small lips. He snuggled close to Loki, tiny hands balling in Loki's shirt before closing his eyes. It wasn't long until Loki could hear the soft breaths of the child even out as he fell asleep.

Loki's hand hovered over the child, unsure of where he should put it. He knew this child was annoying, and drove him crazy on a daily basis. Hell, his _hair_ was shorter now, no thanks to this devious offspring. But, he couldn't deny that there was something within him that went out to this child. Something small within his chest that pulled slightly at the sight of the toddler comfortably sleeping snuggled up next to him. And it was because of that thing that Loki allowed the small lift of his lips as he gently placed his hand upon the small boy's back. He'd never own up to this in the daylight. The devious woman and his air-headed brother would never know of this. So, he tucked away this moment of comfort and settled down to continue watching the ridiculously addicting show about "fixing things" with talking tools.

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

Got ideas for Thor and Loki's misfortune? Got something you'd really like to see happen? Drop me your ideas in a review! I read them all, and what better way to get story ideas than from the readers themselves? Much love!


	5. Chapter 5

_How to Babysit a Super Toddler_

A/N: You guys are maniacal. So many fantastic ideas. :) This one is by far the most requested. Thanks to MissSardonic, Melodist, MidnightSword, mat528, NoNameX and nightslashcheetor for the bath time suggestion!

Am I the only one thinking this is quickly becoming a Loki-and-Pepper-babysit-Peter story? Poor Thor. I'm gonna give him the spotlight next time.

Edit: Sorry about the re-submissions. The site decided to be stupid just when I was trying to upload. Hopefully it's fixed now!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . .

From her spot at the table, Pepper was laughing. Not one of those quiet chuckles she normally did. No. She was full-on belly laughing and was having trouble finding the space to breathe. From his spot at the door way, Loki glared at her.

"This is not the time to be laughing, you devilish woman!" he barked. Pepper struggled to contain her laughter, placing a hand on her chest to ease the bubbling giggles still lingering in her lungs. She smiled widely at the poor Asgardian, reaching up to wipe away a tear from her eye. Honestly. What other reaction could she have had? One minute she was enjoying a book at the dining table, calmly listening to the thunderstorm outside; the next Loki walked in dangling a very muddy and very naked Peter from his ankle. The little boy was laughing, but it wasn't that sight that sparked her gut laugh. It was the fact that the once-Asgardian prince was covered in mud as well, his dark hair sticking nearly straight up with the amount of mud caked in his hair. The scowl on his face was too much for her. She couldn't even ask him what happened before her giggle attack started.

"I-I'm sorry," she apologized with a slight hitch in her voice. She stood from her chair, reaching to push her sleeves back as she went to retrieve Peter from Loki's grasp. The toddler was so covered in mud that he slipped from her grasp, and Loki had to dart out to snatch Peter by his ankle again to avoid having him land on the hardwood floor. Pepper was surprised to see the disapproving glare he sent her way.

"Why don't you just hold him? I'll go get the bath started," she said as a second thought. She headed out the room leaving Loki standing there, dripping mud on the dining room floor. From around the corner, she pulled her phone out of her pocket to take a quick snapshot of the sight she left behind. Tony would get a kick out of that. Walking into the hall bathroom, Pepper easily started running a warm bath in the rather ostentatiously large marble bathtub. She never understood why Tony wanted such a luxurious bath in the hallway, but she wasn't complaining at the moment. Less mud to clean off the floors when she called Loki in there.

"So, where did Thor run off to?" she called to him.

"The fool was just as enamored with the puddles as the small one was," Loki said from directly behind her. She jumped a bit in surprise, turning to face him fully. He stood with both hands around the grinning toddler in the middle of the tiled floor, looking rather uncomfortable as his street clothes that she finally managed to get him into were dripping with muddy water. He wasn't too keen on going outside in the rain to begin with, but she watched in surprise as he followed his brother and the toddler without a fuss. She wasn't sure what was going on in his tricky mind, but she had a sneaking suspicion that Peter was starting to grow on him. Not that he would _ever_ admit to that.

"He's still outside, then?" Pepper asked. Loki nodded. She chuckled to herself, thinking that she would probably have to go see the God of Thunder playing around in puddles before he came trampling back inside. "Okay, then. Go ahead and take off your dirty clothes. I'll go throw them in the laundry while you get in the bath."

He gave her a sharp look. "You cannot be suggesting that I bathe with the child."

"I'm not drawing up another bath in a different room," Pepper said flatly. "There's space for a whole baseball team in this bathtub."

"I am not worried about the lack of space," Loki responded lowly.

She glanced over at him, noticing that he was looking very uncomfortable all of a sudden. A small smirk rose on her lips. "Oh, dear. Is the big bad super villain scared of taking a bath with a toddler?"

His cheeks flushed red under the coat of mud. "You accuse too much, woman. I do not fear anything. Especially this child."

"Then act like a man," Pepper shot back. "Take off your clothes and get in the bath. I'll be back in five minutes." She shut the door with a click when she left.

She went ahead and set things up for after Peter got out of the bath. It was the middle of the day, and she still had no idea where his clothes had run off to, so she set out a fresh pair of clothes and a diaper for the toddler. She retrieved a few towels and stopped by the window at the side to look for Thor. The big Asgardian was in fact, rolling around in the mud. Sometimes she wondered how somebody so strong and surprisingly intelligent could act like such a child. She scoffed, remembering how childish Tony could be, and left Thor to enjoy himself outside in the rain. She was cleaning the mud from the dining room floor when a wild scream came from the hall bathroom.

She snapped her head up when a naked toddler came running into the room. He was on the verge of crying. She knew that Peter was never really that into baths. She really should have warned Loki. She was reaching out to console the child when a second pair of thunderous footsteps came racing down the hallway.

"Child, I _swear_-_ack_!" The most undignified shout pulled from Loki's lips as he skidded past the doorway to the dining room, slipping on the wet ground left behind in Peter's escape. He landed with a loud thump and slid out of view. Pepper sat with a dropped jaw for a few moments, glancing at Peter's worried face before darting after him.

"Oh gosh, Loki! Are you alright?" she asked, peeking around the corner. Loki laid face down on the ground, unmoving, missing his shirt, and still covered in mud. "Loki?" Pepper called again, slightly worried now.

"What has my life turned into," she heard him mutter into the ground. "I was a _prince_. Now I'm chasing naked mortal children around a giant house covered in _mud_."

Pepper chuckled as Peter peeked around her leg. "Now, Peter," she said to the toddler. He looked up at her with big brown eyes. "I know you don't like baths, but you and Uncle Loki need one to feel refreshed. That wasn't a very nice thing you did. He's only trying to help you." Peter looked upset by what she was saying. The tears were making a come back. "No, you don't, young man. You know I don't fall for that game." He pouted. "Look. If you behave, I promise I'll give you your favorite ice cream when you're done."

His eyes lit up. "Mean it?" he asked, bouncing a bit in excitement.

"Yes, I promise," she said. "Now go apologize to Uncle Loki and get your butt back in that bath." He nodded before running over to where Loki still laid on the ground. He latched himself onto Loki's mud coated head in an attempt to make him feel better with a hug.

"Sowwy Uncoo Loki," he said. Loki gave a long, drawn-out sigh, refusing to even comment upon the fact that there was a naked toddler hugging his head. When Peter finally let go, he pushed himself back up to his feet, giving the child a single glare before pointing silently toward the bathroom. Peter skittered off in excitement. Loki started to return to the bathroom, taking a moment to retrieve the towels from Pepper.

"I will not thank you, woman," he said, but the usual sharp edge wasn't there. Pepper gave him a small smile.

"I know you won't."

He pressed his lips into a line, contemplating if he should say anything else before ultimately deciding not to and returned to the bathroom. Pepper gave a small shrug, unsure where Loki's placid attitude was coming from before going back to cleaning the mud off the floor. She managed to straighten things up around the place so that it looked like it did before Loki came tracking mud through it, and slipped into the bathroom once to grab Loki's dirty clothes and replace them with fresh ones. She overheard him telling some sort of story about Asgard and let the pleased smile pull up her lips before she made a sneaky exit again.

She had just started dolling out scoops of chocolate ice cream into bowls when they came back out from their bath. Pepper blinked a few times in surprise at their appearance. Loki was dressed in the street clothes Pepper put out for him, just a t-shirt and jeans, which looked much better on him than the other clothes he had dirtied earlier that day. He seemed more comfortable wearing them, at least. He must have found Peter's clothes, for the child was dressed in the clothes she had put aside for him, but that wasn't what had her smiling. It was the fact that Loki was carrying the child rather normally in his arms, and that Loki's hair post bath, was ridiculously wild. It stuck out at random angles and curled hopelessly at the ends. She snorted and Loki leveled a glare at her.

"Comment about the state of my hair and you will not live through the night," he threatened. She stifled her laughter, picking up a bowl of ice cream as a peace offering. He eyed the treat skeptically before taking it from her, accepting the bribe for her life. She smiled and took Peter from his arms to place him in his highchair, tying his bib on before placing the bowl of ice cream before the little boy. He squealed in excitement and began to dig in, chocolate ice cream instantly covering his face. Loki gave a small sound in annoyance.

"I am not washing the child again," he stated.

"I will do it," Pepper responded. "Thank you for bathing him the first time."

He nodded silently before taking up a seat at the table to try the iced treat. He seemed to like it after a few careful bites. Pepper took a couple bites of her own ice cream before curiosity plucked at her.

"What story were you telling Peter?" she asked. He met her eyes. "About Asgard, I mean."

"A common one that parents tell their children on Asgard," he responded shortly. She took another bite of her ice cream, encouraging him to explain. He gave a small sigh, dropping his eyes down to his ice cream. "It is about two brothers who go on their first hunt together. One is strong and powerful, but rash. The other is weaker, but craftier. At first they make a competition out of their hunt to see who can kill the beast first, and they lose sight of the hunt due to their desire to better one another. One of them gets hurt, and the other must sacrifice the hunt to help bring his brother home." There was a distant look in his green eyes. "It teaches the importance of relying upon one another and the dangers of arrogance."

Pepper watched him for a short moment, noticing the way his posture changed as he sat back. The rigidness in his shoulders returned, as did the guarded look in his green eyes. He looked up at her, expecting her to say something. She gave him a small smile. "Sounds just like the stories we tend to tell here."

He gave a small snort at her attempt to compare their cultures. "I would hardly compare the stories of Asgard to the stories of Midgard. Ours are decidedly much more… gruesome."

"Something tells me not to doubt that," Pepper said with a touch of humor, turning back to her ice cream. She tended to Peter for a while, wiping his face before moving to take her now empty bowl to the sink. She went to retrieve Loki's empty bowl when the dark Asgardian caught her wrist. His green eyes held hers and he seemed to struggle with his desire to say something. His lips parted when a loud crash came from the front door. They both jumped at the sound, staring in shock as Thor came stumbling into the dining room, every inch of him dripping in mud. He took a look around, his eyes zero-ing in on the bowls placed upon the table. He gave a wide, mud-stained grin.

"Is that the cream of ice I have heard about?"

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

More unfortunate events to come! Please review! :)


End file.
